Dusty Roads to the Heart

Helen....why don't you get it?  I'm not running myself down by saying these words. It's just that I cannot understand something. Since I have started to work very close to the public, people that once were strangers to me but now we share in some of the hardest experiences of their lives, I have noticed my actions and words toward my husband, the one who loves me the most.  Why do I speck unkind to him, but I can say loving and caring words to the stranger? Why do I complain when he asks me to help him, but I can sit for hours beside someone who I hardly know? I don't know if you have ever been pricked by your conscience. But I have. I want to share something that happened just yesterday that helped me to see that I need to watch my words toward the one who loves me the most. The morning was buzzing with activity.  My head was going in a hundred different directions. I had to be at work at 11:00, so therefore I had to have the chores done and back in here by 10 at l...

Some of us are born a female, but that sure doesn't mean we can cook! No sir!  Thank goodness it is arranged that we become the bride of a cook! Otherwise, I don't know, it could be bad. Last night I waddled out to the kitchen around 8:00, opened the refrigerator door and started to dig through the jars, milk jugs, apples, oranges, dressings, and whatever else was in there, to find something that would met my appetite.  My hubby was sitting quietly at the table, reading the Kansas Farmer, enjoying his perfectly made supper of scrambled eggs, two perfectly cooked pieces of bacon, and a beautiful golden toasted piece of homemade bread. Finally I spotted three baby pieces of sausages that had gotten shoved back behind the celery and carrots.  "Now these look good" I thought to myself, taking them out of their zip lock bag and taking a bit out of one. "Don't you think you should warm them up a bit in the microwave first," came the words from hubby as h...

Hello Sweetheart, Well today is our anniversary.  I think it has been 44th years if I counted correct. It is an ordinary day here on the farm. The sun is shining and the chores are done. You came in for a little snack and a cup of coffee, and told me that John Deere called yesterday and said that the problem with the old tractor is that one of the brakes is shot, so you guess you will have them go ahead and fix it. Then you sat a spell on the couch and talked while I fit a piece or two of the puzzle in place. Now you are off to town for a new starter for the old brown pickup and I soon will be on my way to the hospital. I work in surgery this afternoon. Yes it is one of those ordinary days, but too, it is our anniversary. For some reason I feel different this year. I love you more this year than ever before. It seems like it is a love that goes beyond natural love. You have become my rock, my protector, the one who prays for me in the quiet of...

Deep inside her little being, lay a box. It was a plain little box. It laid there just waiting...just waiting for the day she would reach down and open it. She was not willing to reach for it and open the lid that was sealed so tight. She wasn't willing because across the front was the words.  "Do not open until you are completely willing." So that little box laid there deep inside her very being unopened for many years. It wasn't that she forgot about it. No, not at all. She was reminded of it about every day. But she remained unwilling because she was afraid of the cost.  She didn't see beyond the cost. She didn't know the treasure in that little box. She didn't know because she was unwilling. So for many years she missed the true beauty of living. She missed the results of that little four letter word we call LOVE. When I think of that word, love, I think of the color red. I see, in my minds eye, valentine shaped boxes, full of chocolates. or a be...

Something happened in the surgery family room yesterday that I will never forget. I will never forget because it is imprinted in my mind and heart forever. There are some pictures that you witness that are just for you. A special lesson to the heart.  Here is mine that came to me yesterday. Around 3:00 in the afternoon, two middle aged women came into the waiting room. They each were pushing a wheelchair. In one was a sweet little lady with a smile that would melt the world. In the other was a younger man. He was very disabled. He couldn't talk. I watched as those two women parked the wheelchairs and made their loved ones as comfortable as they could. The woman who was pushing the young man came to my desk and asked if I had the remote for the TV.  "Sure" I said giving it to her.  "Thank you," she said, "This will give him something to do while we wait."  With that she walked back to the wheelchair and sat down beside this young man. I walked ove...

Authors Note:  I have decided to share "the other side of me" with you. I have decided to share it because I know first hand what it is like to live in a world that holds you in the negative about everything. The world of your own mind, where fear rules. Just being around me or talking to me, you would never guess that I held all this fear, and negativity inside me.  No I would smile, I would appear to be calm and happy. I chose to hide my fear, to cover it up from others because I was ashamed. I didn't want others to know how I felt inside. I wanted to appear "perfect." But now I don't care. It is time to share. By the help of a miracle, I have come out from under this horrible grip of fear, out from under letting someone make me feel worthless, not only to others but also to God.  I will tell my story only because sometimes if you are honest you can help another. Somewhere out there you may be just like I was. Somewhere out there you may be wonderi...

The sun was shining in the dark blue Kansas skies. The day was a calm, beautiful 56 degrees. A flock of geese flew over head making their way south. A cow mooed off in the distance. All was still. All that was left of four beautiful days were the memories. The little ghosts dancing and talking all around us. "Good bye Grandpa"  "Come give Grandma a hug."  "Where is K. Grandpa?"  "We have to go now kids."   "Did you go to the bathroom?"   "Go in and take one more look around to make sure you have everything."  "Can we take a little bag of Lucky Charms for a snack Grandma?"  All these little commands were sounding around me as I stood there watching our six little people be loaded into the cars.  One was going east, and the other heading west. Leaving Grandpa and me here on the farm alone once more. As we stood together there on the porch, first the white car backed up and pulled slowly out of the drive way, little...