Dusty Roads to the Heart

Love Is --- that fuzzy feeling deep in the heart --- when he looks at her drinking water out of the same old brown jug stopping the combine --- so she can get on letting her clean the beans out of the planter --- her way --- just because helping her out of the grain truck --- because her legs are to short a hotdog roast in the north 40 watching the sun go down quietly eating --- dry rather crisp --- meatloaf --- because she can't cook going with her to shut in the chickens --- because she is scared of the dark setting together and not saying a word --- just remembering setting the table for two --- hoping she gets home in time throwing kisses through the air as he leaves on the tractor holding her close and whispering "we'll be ok" a grandchild's hand held safe in Grandpa's big callused one leaving a patch of unmowed  brome because there is a turkey nest with five eggs his strong farmer hand reaching for yours --- helping you ...

Dear Mother, There are so many --- many --- little things I could say to you --- so many little "acts of love" you have shown me -- acts of love that come only from a mothers heart.  For those things --- every one of them --- I am forever grateful --- but my heart wants to till you some special things --- some things that only an angel's love can give to a little girl.  Things shared only between you and me. I will be forever grateful --- for that cold day in January --- many years ago --- when you took my fathers hand and promised to walk beside him and care for him "until death do us part."  On that beautiful day --- you flew into our little lonely world on angel wings.  Not only did you lift the burden of a fathers heart --- you came home to a one year old little girl who needed a mothers love.  You opened your arms and heart to her that day --- so many years ago --- and you have never closed them.  That little girl was me. There is something else ...

Have you ever wondered what it would be like out there on the Oregon Trail so many years ago?  Heading west --- heading forward to your hopes and dreams?  Leaving behind everyone and everything you owned and loved --- in some cases for always. Riding -- walking -- dreaming --- hoping --- for hours -- for days -- for months.  On and on into what seemed like nothingness. Well -- for the last few weeks my job has been cutting and raking prairie grass in a pasture.  I love that job because I just go round and round and dream and think.  I could see, in my minds eye, two old worn ruts going on and on up through the grass into the western horizon --- so I put myself on the hard old wagon seat beside my husband --- and we were going west.  Out there on the tractor, I saw and felt the effects of being in the covered wagon as I went round and round cutting that hay.  So -- I will try to take you with me as we go west to find our dream. Y...

I have absolutely no idea how to express my thoughts this morning.  Really I am without words --- but something is deep within my heart and needs to come out --- so I pick up my pen once again and start to write.  These words are coming -- deep --- deep within myself.  There may not be many of them --- but they are meaningful to me --- very meaningful. I set here in my modest little home that my dear, dear husband has made for me.  Life has been good for me.  I love our simple little farm --- our simple way of life.  As far as I know -- I am healthy and everyone around me.  I look around me and on one wall hangs two pictures --- pictures of two beautiful little families.  The families of our son and daughter.  The top of our piano is jammed with 8x10 pictures of smiling little faces--  our grandchildren.   Life has been good. But as I write those last four words tears flow from deep within my heart and run down my face...