When The Heart Whispers

Has your heart ever whispered to you? Have you ever felt the little nudge it was giving you?  Have you ever felt this way, but on the other hand you are scared. You want it so bad but will you be good enough? Will you really be able to fulfill your dream that has been hidden from the world for years? Your dream that you were afraid to let surface. A dream that you no longer can hid from the world. You can no longer keep within yourself. A dream that you have to share with others.

A few weeks ago, I did something that I never dreamed possible. I called Hospice and I asked to be a volunteer. I have now been accepted and have completed my steps of fulfilling my dream. I had my picture taken and my badge was made. Every step I take toward the beauty of this new world I'm stepping into I wonder...why did it take me so long to see the magical wonderment of compassion, the magical wonderment of loving, of caring for the sick? I am not a nurse, a social worker, a Chaplin, a doctor...I'm a volunteer.  It doesn't take a diploma. But we can work together. Together we can hopefully make a difference in someone's life.

My heart can love. My arms can hug. My hands can gently hold a tired hand. My eyes can cry. My ears can listen to stories about loved ones. My very being can reach out to those dear souls who need comfort. How can I dare not try? How can I hold back any longer?

Am I bragging? Absolutely not! It is just the opposite really. As I write these words, tears flow unbidden into my lap. I feel so very humbled. I am so thankful for that beautiful miracle of love. That miracle of love in another that reached out to me and opened my heart to the great need all around me. That miracle of love that was shown to me and softened my heart and made it so I couldn't wait any longer. Simple, quiet caring. If I can really do this, it will make me feel like a queen.

This time of year we are excited about the gift under the tree that has our name on it. We bow our heads and give thanks for all we have shared. So often I take so much for granted. So often I ask for something that really isn't important. This year is different. This year I just simply ask that I will have the strength and wisdom to fill my place in this new chapter that I am stepping into. I simply ask that my heart be filled with love clear to the brim for dear souls who need compassion. I feel so unworthy but I ask that I can please fulfill this dream. This dream that so long has laid quiet in the depth of my being.

For years I have looked down that road that leads to Hospice, just wondering who I could show compassion to today, if I just could do it. I never knew the treasure that could be found inside that building. Behind those doors. I never knew the complete peace of sitting beside a bedside and reaching out in kindness and compassion. I never knew what it meant to hold a weak hand, or bend down to kiss the forehead of someone. I never thought about how lonely it could get sitting there day after day...alone.  I never realized how painful it could be to watch your mother, your father, your sweetheart fade away. I didn't realize how much the world needs compassion. I never listened to my heart as it whispered to me...don't be so selfish...see the need.

Just yesterday I learned a lesson from my husband. It was a very small gesture that he did and quite insignificant in a way, but I noticed.

We were putting up electric fence around our wheat field. Someone had placed t-posts along the north side of the field dividing our property from the neighbors. One of those t-post had fell over and lay away from the property line. It just lay there not bothering a thing. I just passed it by not giving it another thought.

We had finished the fence and then my husband said "I guess I just as well drive that t-post back where it goes." He walked over to it, brought it back and I watched as he carefully lined it up just right with the others and drove it into the ground.

I thought to myself. "Now why would he do that? It wasn't in our way. It wasn't even our business to take care of. It was someone else's responsibility. What harm did it do laying way out there?"

But he had seen a need. He had cared enough to help. He did not need praise. He loves to do what he could for another. He wanted to make it perfect. If I could be just like that. Just seeing a need and doing what I can to meet that need. Just quietly filling my place.

So this Christmas season, the best gift I will have under the tree is the gift of love given to me by another. This Thanksgiving, the thing I was most thankful for was that beautiful gift of LOVE. Help me to know the joy of holding out that beautiful gift to another. That gift of compassion.

Some of you may wonder:  What about your husband? Will he be left with all the farm work? No he is number one! We will work around his busy time. Just last night the staff  held a Open House. They asked that I bring my husband. They babied him dearly! They really like him! He thought that my "new family" was special also. They were all so friendly and made us feel so special. So no...there will still be tractor driving, cattle hauling, calf doctoring and bringing new baby calves into this big world.

But I have to follow my heart so......