"Where shall I flee for refuge
Hiding when storms are near
Where find the place of safety
Dwelling without a fear
Softly I hear Him calling
Come unto me and rest
Here in my arms find shelter
Close to my loving breast
Burdens oft times oppress me
Burdens so hard to bear
Oh then how sweet His whisper
Cast upon my thy care."
These words are from a hymn that I have sang most of my life and they just came to me this morning as I woke up. For some reason my mind and heart were heavy. Sometimes I wonder why God gave me the names mother, grandma, wife and neighbor. But I know that He does not make a mistake. I know that He provides a refuge for a mother, a grandma, a wife. I know that He made them with a special heart that can be very tender. A heart that can hurt. A heart that can cry. I know all these things, but sometimes I feel so inadequate, so small in this place as mother, grandma, wife, and neighbor.
This morning was one of those mornings. My heart was heavy. My heart was hurting. Thoughts that come with "life" were filling my mind. I had a restless feeling deep within my very being. I love my children, my grandchildren, my husband, my neighbors. I want them to always have "sunshine days". My "perfect world" would be that everyday would be perfect. That there wasn't such a thing as heartbreaks, as hurt, as loss. But I know that that isn't so. So even if I hope that God is with me everyday, sometimes I need a special place. A special refuge from the storm.
A lot of times when I feel this restlessness, my heart hears the call to nature. So I start to walk. I choose to stay away from the road, from people. I just want to be alone. So I walk. I walk out into the south pasture. I walk up past the pond and into the trees. I open my ears to the sounds of the birds calling to me from the tree branches, or the killdeer in the pasture grass, or the meadowlark setting there on the old barb wire fence. I lift my face to the sunshine and shut my eyes and just stand there, letting the warm rays fall on my nose, my eyelids, my skin. I look up into that vast blue beyond and I feel so tiny. That blue sky goes on and on and on. My heart cries, "I feel so helpless. I feel so heavy in heart. What do I do... Where do I go?"
That's when it happened. From out of no where I heard it. "Where do I flee for refuge? Hiding when storms are near. Where find the place of safety. Dwelling without a fear." Those words came so simple, so quiet into my mind, there among that pasture grass, below that huge vast blue sky. So what were those soft, gentle words telling me? I am a person who draws strength from music, from nature, from alone time.
It is so comforting that God is holding out a shelter that I can run to. A shelter just big enough for Him and me. A shelter where I can cuddle up and stay until the storm passes by. A shelter where I can talk to God alone. Just me, and Him, and His beautiful creation. What a relief to give my tired mind and heavy heart to Him and hear Him say, "It is OK to be here alone with me. I made you just how I want you. I love you and I understand the struggles. I made you a mother, a grandma, a wife, a neighbor, so that you would learn to lean on me. So you would love to come to this little shelter from the storm."
Those words came again through the wind. "Softly I hear Him calling. Come unto me and rest, Here in my arms find shelter. Close to my loving breast." Sometime I like to talk to a friend. Sometimes I like to feel my husband's arms around me. But there are some storms that come and I guess you have to face them alone. There are some storms that only God understands. That is when I cuddle up in that shelter and tell God all about it. I can cuddle up and stay there until the storm is gone and sunshine comes once again. What a relieved feeling it gives me! I have a place to go and hide and I'm the only one there.
I feel so safe and so free, out there all alone with those words coming to me. I felt that storm calming...slowly. A place where I can let go of my concerns and let them fly up into that big blue sky and disappear out of sight. A place where I can let the tears flow freely and know that I am understood. I can know that I am loved beyond measure. A place where I can feel safe, and I can stay there as long as I need to. God will not push me out. I am the one who leaves. I leave because I am a mother, a grandma, a wife, a neighbor, a human. Life goes on. I have responsibilities. So I go home.
As I come into the yard, and up on the porch, I know my mind will wander. I know there will be hardships. I know there will be heartbreaks. I know things will be said that will bring questions. But now I know that I have a place of safety. I have been there. I've been in that little place where there is only room for God and me. I can stay there as long as I want. He will not push me out. But when I choose to leave I hear Him say. "I'll be waiting for you."
Hiding when storms are near
Where find the place of safety
Dwelling without a fear
Softly I hear Him calling
Come unto me and rest
Here in my arms find shelter
Close to my loving breast
Burdens oft times oppress me
Burdens so hard to bear
Oh then how sweet His whisper
Cast upon my thy care."
These words are from a hymn that I have sang most of my life and they just came to me this morning as I woke up. For some reason my mind and heart were heavy. Sometimes I wonder why God gave me the names mother, grandma, wife and neighbor. But I know that He does not make a mistake. I know that He provides a refuge for a mother, a grandma, a wife. I know that He made them with a special heart that can be very tender. A heart that can hurt. A heart that can cry. I know all these things, but sometimes I feel so inadequate, so small in this place as mother, grandma, wife, and neighbor.
This morning was one of those mornings. My heart was heavy. My heart was hurting. Thoughts that come with "life" were filling my mind. I had a restless feeling deep within my very being. I love my children, my grandchildren, my husband, my neighbors. I want them to always have "sunshine days". My "perfect world" would be that everyday would be perfect. That there wasn't such a thing as heartbreaks, as hurt, as loss. But I know that that isn't so. So even if I hope that God is with me everyday, sometimes I need a special place. A special refuge from the storm.
A lot of times when I feel this restlessness, my heart hears the call to nature. So I start to walk. I choose to stay away from the road, from people. I just want to be alone. So I walk. I walk out into the south pasture. I walk up past the pond and into the trees. I open my ears to the sounds of the birds calling to me from the tree branches, or the killdeer in the pasture grass, or the meadowlark setting there on the old barb wire fence. I lift my face to the sunshine and shut my eyes and just stand there, letting the warm rays fall on my nose, my eyelids, my skin. I look up into that vast blue beyond and I feel so tiny. That blue sky goes on and on and on. My heart cries, "I feel so helpless. I feel so heavy in heart. What do I do... Where do I go?"
That's when it happened. From out of no where I heard it. "Where do I flee for refuge? Hiding when storms are near. Where find the place of safety. Dwelling without a fear." Those words came so simple, so quiet into my mind, there among that pasture grass, below that huge vast blue sky. So what were those soft, gentle words telling me? I am a person who draws strength from music, from nature, from alone time.
It is so comforting that God is holding out a shelter that I can run to. A shelter just big enough for Him and me. A shelter where I can cuddle up and stay until the storm passes by. A shelter where I can talk to God alone. Just me, and Him, and His beautiful creation. What a relief to give my tired mind and heavy heart to Him and hear Him say, "It is OK to be here alone with me. I made you just how I want you. I love you and I understand the struggles. I made you a mother, a grandma, a wife, a neighbor, so that you would learn to lean on me. So you would love to come to this little shelter from the storm."
Those words came again through the wind. "Softly I hear Him calling. Come unto me and rest, Here in my arms find shelter. Close to my loving breast." Sometime I like to talk to a friend. Sometimes I like to feel my husband's arms around me. But there are some storms that come and I guess you have to face them alone. There are some storms that only God understands. That is when I cuddle up in that shelter and tell God all about it. I can cuddle up and stay there until the storm is gone and sunshine comes once again. What a relieved feeling it gives me! I have a place to go and hide and I'm the only one there.
I feel so safe and so free, out there all alone with those words coming to me. I felt that storm calming...slowly. A place where I can let go of my concerns and let them fly up into that big blue sky and disappear out of sight. A place where I can let the tears flow freely and know that I am understood. I can know that I am loved beyond measure. A place where I can feel safe, and I can stay there as long as I need to. God will not push me out. I am the one who leaves. I leave because I am a mother, a grandma, a wife, a neighbor, a human. Life goes on. I have responsibilities. So I go home.
As I come into the yard, and up on the porch, I know my mind will wander. I know there will be hardships. I know there will be heartbreaks. I know things will be said that will bring questions. But now I know that I have a place of safety. I have been there. I've been in that little place where there is only room for God and me. I can stay there as long as I want. He will not push me out. But when I choose to leave I hear Him say. "I'll be waiting for you."
oh dear cousin, I wanT To Go wiTh you To ThaT place and know Gods love and care <3
ReplyDeleteMy own thoughts spoken so wonderfully. Thank you
ReplyDelete