Dusty Roads to the Heart

I sit here on a bench, in my beautiful "quiet place" I have left my phone, my facebook...anything that would take my attention...I have left behind. I really don't know where they are right now. The last I remember they were in the pickup and my husband has taken that somewhere. I can honestly say, "I don't care." Right now my mind, my very being, needs to find complete quietness. The place where I am seems like a little room. Its walls are a row of ceders cutting me away from life's stresses. I can't see what is going on at the house, the other out buildings, the road. I'm here alone, just me, my paper, my pen. The ceiling of my "little room" is the sky. I can look up and up and up, through the branches of those trees, up into nothing. Right now the sky is covered with a light skim of clouds. Not stormy, just enough to hide the sun. I set here on my bench looking up and I picture that same sky, dark and millions of stars are lookin...

Have you ever tried and tried to accomplish something only to be told that your "crooked"? Have you ever thought you were so lost that you would never see your family again? I mean, so lost and scared that your heart is beating so hard that you just know that it will come right out of your chest? You have no idea what to do next so you just keep walking and all of a sudden...you're "found"! What a wonderful feeling! Well, I have experienced both of the above.  Really.  I have experienced being "lost" twice in my life time.  It is a helpless feeling, I tell you.  Well, it is kind of helpless also when you try and try to ski and you just can't do it...period...end of sentence!! My story takes place up in the Colorado mountains in a little town called Dillon. Our family had decided to go skiing over spring break. You know, something teens like to do so mom and dad say    "sure we'll take you" even if they themselves have never skied ...

There were three things that laid deep in my heart. Three things that laid there closed because I didn't have the key to reach in and unlock their doors. Those three things, that laid there year after year, caused unrest to my very being. They would holler out to me to please unlock their door and accept them. But I would not listen, because I didn't have the keys. For some reason someone else held that key. Each of these "someones" or "experiences" came as a surprise to me. I would never have guessed that I would find the key in those situations where I did. I am 63 years old and finally, three years ago, one of those doors was unlocked. I still don't know who held this key, but I was able to accept my mother's early death, and accept her family's deep love for me. Only a few months ago, my "other special" mother, in her kindness used a key to open the second door. She helped me to see it is ok to talk about my mother....

The morning was beautiful. Clear blue skies, gentle breeze, birds singing, hearts happy. We had just got the morning chores done, and had pulled the old pickup to a stop by the back door, when hubby turned to me and said,   "Well, if we are really serious about that used disc, maybe we should go see it today." Now when I am invited on a "woman's shopping spree," I can find all sorts of excuses not to go. I mean I hate shopping. I'm strange...I know...but I come home with the worst headache and grumpy....I mean...grumpy! But this kind of "shopping spree" made my day! Wow! We were going to see all kinds of scenery.-all kinds of disc, all kinds of implement dealerships! And the best part was, I could relax, be myself, and be with my hubby! "Lets go!" I said all excited, Into the house we go, change into clean comfortable clothes, put a cut up apple, some nuts, raisins, peanuts, a couple cookies into a container. Hu...

Blue skies are up above....the sun is bright on my face....happy birds are singing their song.... and my heart is happy.... Well I took the old axe out of the pick-up bed this morning and placed it back in its place there in the feed shack. Hung my old winter chore coat in the back of the closet, and put away my long johns. Sixty seven little calves run everywhere out there in the cow pasture. Their little tails straight back....running for all their worth. Over on a hill away from all the rest, a momma has just given birth to a new, wet, slick, black little fellow. It tries to get up but....whoops....down it goes. It tries again, its back legs are straight and its nose in the dirt, It wobbles and stands. Momma licks it and down it goes once more. Keep trying little guy and you'll get it. Overhead the skies are a deep blue and not a cloud in sight. The bare trees stand still, casting shadows on the ground. On their branches you can see little red bumps ...

I have had no college education and I am what you would call a plain "farmers wife." But I also have one of the greatest privileges a woman can have. That privilege comes to me as I work side by side with my husband in his amazing world of wonder....helping him bring life and save life during our calving season. In this post I want to take you along with us for a couple "nights". Notice I said nights. In our world that seems to be when life begins!!! Out under that night sky, the half moon for your light, millions of stars above, and every neighbors house dark and asleep. So here we go. I hope you will like it as much as I do. "I need to go back out in a hour," he said. "There's a heifer with its calf's feet just coming and a silly old cow way up on the hillside about to have hers. There's no way they will make it unless I get them in the barn." "How are you ever going to do that? There are already two momma...

The other night our phone rang. On the caller ID I saw my mothers number. When I answered she said "Hello....are you done with supper?" I always love talking with mom, but that night was different. It was special. After we hung up I had a "free feeling." It was like she had gently opened a door deep in my heart that has been closed for all my life---really. It has been closed not (and I stress not) because of the doing of anyone else. It has been closed because of my doing. Three years ago, one door was opened and I discovered a very true treasure behind that door that belonged to me. That first door was opened three years ago, but not until last night was I able to open the second door, and feel free to share my story. There has been three beautiful people who have shared life with me....who have played a huge part in who I really am. I have written about two of those gentle, quiet, people....my mother and dad. But I have never wrote about the thir...